The Thick of Things by J.L. Campbell

Author:J.L. Campbell [Campbell, J.L.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: The Writer's Suite

fifteen

I was jumpy with Trent in the house overnight, but told myself I didn’t need to worry. He’d be gone in the morning and I could go back to the ordinary. But I’d have a hard night. Trent’s unwelcome presence interrupted my rhythm and disturbed my emotional frequency.

After he showered, I gave him a ham sandwich and encouraged him to go to bed. He went reluctantly after he dozed off on the sofa with the tray of leftovers on his lap.

Soon after, I lay in bed rehashing our exchange. Based on his question about Douglas, I didn’t have to wonder what brought on Trent’s bout of regret.

I settled on my side while my mind wandered into the past, as I knew it would. It was easy to go there with Trent in close proximity. The memories hovered on the edge of my consciousness, and I let them come.

Amir was conceived in this bed—a heavy, mahogany divan that held good memories of the three of us in years gone by. Trent and Amir roughhousing, the three of us snuggled together watching movies when Amir was much younger, and me smooching with Trent over Amir’s little head. Later, when everything fell apart, Trent moved to the other side of the house, next to our home office.

Amir’s laughing face, so much like his father’s, appeared behind my eyelids. Sometimes I thought I loved him more than I loved myself. And I blamed Trent for his death. Still did, if I was going to be honest with myself. My inability to forgive both myself and Trent sealed the death of our marriage.

The night Amir died was still vivid in my mind. He’d just turned sixteen, but he was taller than I was, and more muscular than his father. Although he looked like a younger replica of Trent, his dense body reminded me of my brother, Kenneth, whom I hadn’t spoken to in months.

Amir had been fatiguing me for weeks about a party some friends were hosting. I wouldn’t have hesitated about allowing him to go if it was a birthday party. This was a pay party where liquor would be served. Although I knew the parents of the young man who was hosting the party, I didn’t think Amir was old enough to be out all night.

Trent had sided with Amir and overruled me. In Trent’s words, I was mollycoddling Amir and needed to allow him more freedom. If I had stood my ground, my son would still be alive today. I gave in, and that decision had ruined my life.

Scenes from that time flowed back like a flood and I was powerless to keep them at bay.

That fateful night, we’d been in bed reading when our house phone rang. Trent had dropped off Amir at the party and he assured his father that he would get a ride home, so when the call came, it was unexpected. The display screen showed a number I didn’t know, but dread filled me. It could have been a misdialed number, or something had happened to Amir.

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